Zombies? Don’t get me started… (Post #400)

…too late.
The Walking Dead starts back up with a new season this Sunday. I have threatened to stop watching several times. I don’t think the writers are very “realistic” in their thinking. I know their objective is to keep people tuning in and to that end it seems they are succeeding.

The show is set in “the South” specifically Georgia. I have several observations that I can’t hold my tongue on any longer.

  • There is a National Guard unit in nearly every county seat in America. And that means…firearms, lots of firearms, lots of ammo, lots of portable food. Find one or two, enjoy.
  • If Georgia is anything like Oklahoma, there is a firearm of one type or another in nearly 1 out of 2 homes. No one should be “wandering around” with just a shovel or an old piece of pipe for a weapon. In fact, there is a good likely hood of finding a survival knife/butcher’s knife/etc… in EVERY HOME.
  • Short on ammo? Nope. I would have as many reload stations set up as I could find going TWENTY FOUR HOURS A DAY. Guess what kids, no school today, you get to make ammo! For every hundred rounds, you get a candy bar and a can of soda-pop! Its the South, I promise there are at least 4 out of 100 homes with a reload station and the supplies to make it hum.
  • I know three homes in my home town that I could go into right now and fetch a full blown sword. The fact that Michonne is the only sword-bearing member of this group surprises me. After about 10 minutes of watching her with the sword, I would too have a sword, or two, maybe three, even if I had to make them myself. Did none of these people see 1982’s brilliant movie “Conan the Barbarian”?
  • Zombies can be dispatched by a single solid blow to the head with a baseball/softball bat. Seriously, no homes in the Atlanta suburbs have softball bats? We have at least 6 I can count from memory at my home. Get one, or two people, please.
  • No one sleeps on the first floor of any building, ever, no exceptions. No one ever goes anywhere there isn’t at least two ingress
  • The South has a proud tradition of military service. The only military people I’ve seen in this show were murdered by the Governor a few seasons ago in a classic ambush, an ambush NO TRAINED MILITARY PERSON WOULD ALLOW THEM TO BE IN. Where are the military trained people? I promise at least one Marine, even an old one, could un-f@#% this group in about a week.
  • Civilization is OVER. Stop acting civilized to your enemies. Last season Rick had a “meeting” with the Governor. If I were Rick, the meeting would have been less than two minutes. My entire team and all the people I had sneak in to support me would have known it before I went into the barn. “You will hear a gunshot, kill anyone we didn’t bring with us immediately after that.” I win. I have a fortified town to live in now. Happy, happy, joy, joy. Hot showers!

That’s all I’m going to torture you with today. I hope I can make it through the season and it gets back to the quality of the first two seasons again.

I have a show already drafted in my head. The cast members meets a real deal Army Ranger/Special Forces/Marine Recon/etc…team. The military unit to be designated, spends a weekend getting some rest and free food from the cast before silently leaving in the middle of the night with half their ammo. JUST LIKE IT WOULD IN REAL LIFE! For an extra special touch the military unit leaves them a “Get your shiat together or you will be dead in a month” note.

A local newspaper posted a link to a survival quiz…

I scored 74.1% on the Ultimate Zombie Apocalypse Survival Quiz!

“Well done! Your chances of surviving a zombie apocalypse are better than average! Don’t get too cocky, though. Remember, the undead never sleep…”

Click here to get your score!

So first, not a bad score for a fat, out of shape 49 year old Marine. 
Second, I would never be caught “alone”. No one goes anywhere with out their entire fire team, yes all four of them. Want to go to the head? Good, take your pals.
Thirdly, if someone doesn’t have something positive to contribute…they are resource eating, dead weight. Make it you creedo. Make sure you live by it. Make sure everyone knows you will live by it.
Thanks for reading, prepare for your own Zombie Poxiclips, and Happy Rovering.

Winter is Coming (Post #307) 12/8/2012

I love that line, “Winter is Coming”. If you are a fan of HBO’s Game of Thrones you know the phrase Winter is Coming has a special meaning. It is appropriate in this post because ONE, winter is indeed here although you wouldn’t know it in Oklahoma; and TWO, it implies that there is a impending doom upon you. Oklahoma weather is like that. One day you are wearing shorts wondering if you should reopen the pool, the next day you are wondering if you have enough firewood and if it would be cheaper just to open the freezer doors because its colder outside than inside the meat freezer in the garage.

Such is life on the plains. Be Prepared, is not just the Boy Scout’s Motto it is a warning, be ready for what ever comes your way. I’d like to say I am always ready. Fact is I am ready more than I am not. And compared to other people, sometimes I’m just down right psychic in my level of readiness. A regular Okienostradamus.

So with that, whether you drive a Range Rover, Discovery, Defender, Series II or III, Air Mobile, or Forward Control you should have a nice kit of preparedness in the boot. You all know this is a Land Rover blog, but this advice extends to you even if you drive a Jeep or a Honda Civic, get some basic items together and be prepared.

While I was suffering from insomnia last night brought on by a runty little skunk spraying our rookie watch dog, Bocephus (RovErica named him) at 0230, I was thinking of the kit in the rear of the Range Rover and this post.

I have written about this before, “What’s in Your Console” is found on my website OkieRover.com. I talk about all the items I carry in my quest to be prepared. So I thought I’d list a few items to deal with what will surely (I know, don’t call me Shirley) make you one of the most prepared flatlanders on the plains. You never know when you might be in the middle of a Snowpocalyse.


Handy for digging yourself out of a snow bank when you are in a Target or mall parking lot or dispatching zombies. If you exercise your option to UPGRADE you could get one of these, Cold Steel Spetznaz Special Forces Shovel. Prices vary, so shop around. I have one in the Range Rover. Very handy in many situations.

You could also opt for the traditional G.I. Joe Entrenching Shovel.

These are available almost anywhere. The ability to have the spade set at 90 degrees to the handle is excellent for digging and pulling snow out from under the body of your motor. It also folds up and can be tucked out of the way easily in your boot (trunk). It can be used as a weapon if necessary too. I’ve heard many a story of troops using them as a last resort.

Jumper Cables

Winter is jumper cable season. You may be surprised to learn heat kills more batteries than the cold, but it is true. I can safely say I have used my jumper cables in winter four times more often than summer. Get a pair of the higher quality ones. They last longer and will be easier to use when the north wind is attempting to cut you in half. Jumper cables are not very useful as a weapon unless you are a ninja or have Mel Gibson strung up by a chain to be tortured ala Lethal Weapon (1987).


Every vehicle I own has a blanket in the trunk. They are useful in summer when you need a ground cover while you enjoy a picnic or fireworks show. In winter they might just save your life if you happen to slide off the road and can’t get yourself unstuck. You can get a blanket from any number of places. I like the woven blankets of Mexican origin. They are cheap, so cheap that if you were to get them covered with goat heads, stickers, or whatever you call them, you just leave in the nearest waste bin.

Ice Scrapers

I buy these when they are on clearance for a dollar at the end of winter. I toss them in the trunk and hand them to the EXCEPTIONALLY UNPREPARED MORON scraping their windshield with a credit card or their keys or their sandals. Seriously, really, I’ve seen it. Not only did the moron not have a scraper but they were wearing SANDALS IN WINTER TIME during an ice storm on the plains. I should just let natural selection take her icy course on these idiots but the condescending judgmental looks I get to give them when I hand them a free scraper are too good to pass up.

Tow Strap

Having a tow strap might be a nice addition. Don’t scrimp on this one. Get a REAL tow strap. Rope, cord, etc… will not cut it. Chains are impractical due to the weight to distance ratio. Twenty foot of grade 70 tow chain can move up to 4,700 pounds but it also weighs 20 pounds. A tow strap capable of pulling 6,000 pounds weighs only two pounds and can be purchased for around a saw buck (ten dollars).

Know Where Your Recovery Points Are
Crawl under your car now while you are dry and warm and look for the recovery points. I’ve run into many cars that don’t even have recovery points. As a matter of fact I ran into a Mercedes sedan in my neighborhood that didn’t have a recovery point in the front. What ever you drive, find out if there is a place to hook a tow strap and how to get to it. It isn’t any fun to dig under your car when it’s in 8-12 inches of snow to find the effing recovery point only to learn TOO LATE you don’t have one there.

I could probably go on for nineteen pages with suggestions. I’ve heard people say they put bags kitty litter their trunk. I can probably see that for traction on the ice sheets we often have here in the southern plains. Never used it myself. There are a hundred more items but I will not dwell on them here.

Winter is Coming. Be Prepared. Take the bull by the horns. Endeavor NOT to be “that guy/gal”.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention today is the 71st Anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor. 
Never forget.

God Bless America, Thanks for reading, and Happy Rovering.

I’ve always wanted to do this (Post #268) 10/7/2011

I’ve always wanted to do this.

TULSA, Oklahoma — People driving westbound on I-44 near the Lewis exit were warned to be on the lookout for zombies Thursday.

So far no zombies have been reported in the area. Nice touch on the end of that report.

That’s classic. Well played.

Thursday night I pulled the radiator out of the Range Rover Classic. As I reported to you last, the radiator has developed a leak. I knew it was leaking a bit around the fill port but it has since developed a crack to the inside of that and was leaking a decent amount of coolant. Also I was completely unable to remove the fill plug. My attempts jacked it up pretty good too. Brass just doesn’t hold up well. Perhaps some copper lube when it is reinstalled.

I reported also that there were no radiator repair shoppes in Norman, Oklahoma. So far to my knowledge I am correct. Jennings Garage advertises that they are a “radiator shop”. When I called them they said they stopped working on radiators and now only “swap them out”.

This lead me to speculate about the reasons these shops have gotten more scarce. I am betting a dollar on some sort of regulation, either the E.P.A. or some other. I’m sure the vat of acid and associated chemicals must be a nightmare of paper work for a small shop. I will ask Osborn’s Radiator Shop today when I stop by and drop off my radiator.

The removal reminded me that I wanted to swap my mechanical fan for a set of electric ones. My research has found that a late 1990’s model Ford Crown Victoria’s fan assembly works. Now I need to find one. I will first get some measurements and then go shopping at the Pull-A-Part or the Ford “breakers” (salvage) yards in Oklahoma City.

Apparently I can buy a new one in the range of 95 – 150$(US) plus shipping. I’m hoping the breakers yard will part with one for less than 50$(US).

I’m glad I found this detailed measurement drawing. I am skeptical that it will fit. But I’m willing to try anything once. The associated fuel savings is reported at 2-3 miles per gallon. Even if it is one mile per gallon I think it is worth it.

I’ll post some pictures of the damage next week along with some detailed measurements.

Thanks for reading and Happy Rovering. Oh…and BOOMER SOONER! Beat Texas!